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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26965045">I Want To Know What Love Is</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunGirl/pseuds/SunGirl'>SunGirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>DiMA learns that he can feel romantic attraction, Faraday cries because emotions are hard, Faraday is prepared to pine hopelessly forever but luckily sole had other plans, Getting Together, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Discovery, sole is a good wing-woman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:08:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26965045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunGirl/pseuds/SunGirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An unofficial sequel to The_Epitome_of_Pretense's story "Sole Match."</p>
<p>At Sole's suggestion, DiMA asks Faraday to kiss him in the hopes of learning more about human connection and emotions. Faraday, who has been under the impression that his feelings for DiMA can/will never be reciprocated, is understandably thrown off by this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>DiMA/Faraday (Fallout)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Want To Know What Love Is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/17084171">Sole Match</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Epitome_of_Pretense/pseuds/The_Epitome_of_Pretense">The_Epitome_of_Pretense</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yes I named this after that one corny 80's song. I have no regrets. (I'm lying, I have a lot of regrets.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Faraday had always known that DiMA wasn’t interested in him. DiMA wasn’t interested in anyone, romantically speaking. But that was fine. They were still close. DiMA trusted him, cared about him, confided in him. That was enough. It was all fine.</p>
<p>Or at least, that was what Faraday told himself, what he kept telling himself, until DiMA’s brother arrived. DiMA’s brother… and his girlfriend.</p>
<p>Nick, mechanically exactly the same as DiMA, had a romantic partner. And for the first time, Faraday got a hint of what it would look like if DiMA were to fall in love. </p>
<p>He tried not to think about it, but his treacherous mind always wandered there whenever he saw Nick and Sole together. He couldn’t help but wonder if DiMA would look at a partner with the same affectionate expression that Nick did, if he too would lean unconsciously closer when they sat together, if he would touch them with the same gentle, patient care. It was torture.</p>
<p>And worst of all, he found himself wondering, even <i>hoping.</i> If Nick could feel romantic attraction, then surely DiMA… But no. That wasn’t fair. The two were similar, but they certainly weren’t the same. And besides, perhaps it was simply an interest in romance that DiMA lacked, rather than a capacity for it. That was fine too. Faraday could respect that.</p>
<p>But that didn’t make watching a version of what he’d craved for so long play out before him any less painful. It hurt to see Nick and Sole together, and it hurt to have DiMA right there, so close in so many ways, yet still out of reach.</p>
<p>Tonight, he’d excused himself from the company of the other three, making up something vague about needing to work. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. Not right now. Safely in his office, he sank down at the desk and put his face in his hands.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” He whispered. “Pull yourself together, you idiot.” </p>
<p>Really, he should count himself lucky that DiMA didn’t seem interested in relationships. After all, even if he was, that didn’t mean he’d be interested in <i>Faraday.</i> There were plenty of people in Acadia to choose from, and a lot of them had far more to offer than he himself did.</p>
<p>Faraday straightened up, shaking himself. Enough moping.</p>
<p>He’d lied about having important work to do, but since he was going to be holed up in his room all night, he might as well get something done. Faraday switched on the terminal and tried to lose himself in the code he was working on.</p>
<p>He must have succeeded, because he wasn’t sure if it was minutes or hours later that someone calling his name brought him back to the present. No, not just someone…</p>
<p>“DiMA!” He stood quickly and turned to face the other synth, trying to ignore the way his heart clenched at the site of him. “Did you need my help with something?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” DiMA said, nodding. “I’m hoping you can give me your assistance in an experiment, of sorts.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Faraday said quickly. “What is it?”</p>
<p>“I would like to kiss you.” DiMA said, tone as serene as ever.</p>
<p>Faraday froze, his thoughts coming to a complete halt. His eyes widened and the color drained from his face.</p>
<p>“Y-You— I— <i>What?”</i></p>
<p>DiMA’s brow creased in a frown.</p>
<p>“Oh dear. I’ve upset you. Was that an inappropriate request?”</p>
<p>Faraday blinked at him, not even sure how to begin answering that question. Instead, after a moment of struggling to control his voice, he managed,</p>
<p>
  <i>”Why?”</i>
</p>
<p>DiMA tilted his head slightly.</p>
<p>“Why what?”</p>
<p><i>“Why</i> do you want to kiss me?”</p>
<p>“Ah.” DiMA’s expression cleared. “I see now. This must all seem very out of the blue, from your perspective. I apologize, I should have explained my reasoning first.”</p>
<p>“S-S’fine…” Faraday mumbled, which seemed to pacify DiMA, because he continued,</p>
<p>“I’ve been observing Nick and Sole, and how they interact. I’m sure you’ve noticed how close the two of them are?” Faraday nodded. “I’d always assumed synths such as myself to be incapable of romantic feelings or attraction, but clearly that is not the case.</p>
<p>“Just now, we had an interesting conversation about the act of kissing, not just as an expression of affection, but as a desirable and enjoyable act in and of itself. Apparently, Nick is able to feel this. To enjoy it. And I wondered if perhaps I was capable of it myself.”</p>
<p>Faraday nodded again, trying to pretend that his head wasn’t spinning, that his heart wasn’t pounding. DiMA was expressing all of the same thoughts he’d been having, although presumably without the resulting heartache.</p>
<p>“If I could experience this feeling, understand it,” DiMA continued, “It might give me a better insight into human relationships, and allow me to better understand and care for the people here. After all, I know you are quite capable of such emotions.”</p>
<p>‘You have no idea.’ Faraday wanted to say. But instead he said, carefully,</p>
<p>“So you want to— to <i>kiss me…</i> to see if it makes you feel anything?”</p>
<p>“Exactly.” DiMA nodded. “I’ve come to understand that the person involved can be as important as the act itself. I tried it with Sole, but—“</p>
<p>“You <i>kissed Sole?!”</i></p>
<p>“Yes.” DiMA confirmed, seeming confused by Faraday’s reaction. “Does that… Upset you?”</p>
<p>He shouldn't be angry with Sole. It wasn’t her fault. And even if she had intentionally ‘stolen’ DiMA, as the jealous feeling boiling in his stomach insisted she had, DiMA had never been Faraday’s to lose. </p>
<p>“No.” Faraday forced out. “It’s fine.”</p>
<p>DiMA’s frown returned.</p>
<p>“Are you sure? You look… distressed.”</p>
<p>“No.” Faraday lied again, voice wavering between two octaves. “Fine. I’m fine. Go on. You— You kissed— You and Sole—“</p>
<p>“Yes.” DiMA nodded. “But I didn’t feel anything. I thought perhaps I didn’t have the capacity for those emotions after all. But Sole explained that for her, and for others, perhaps for me, the emotion only came into play with ‘the right person.’ I wasn’t sure who that might be, but she suggested I attempt it with you. It makes sense, now that I think about it. After all, I am quite fond of you, Faraday.”</p>
<p>All of Faraday’s ire towards Sole evaporated instantly. This had been her idea? <i>She</i> had suggested that DiMA might ‘feel something’ by kissing him? And DiMA <i>agreed?</i></p>
<p>“I-I, um— I am <i>fond</i> of you as well. I’d b-be— I’d be willing t-to, uh, help with your… experiment.”</p>
<p>DiMA smiled, a smile that Faraday had come to know and to cherish over the years. </p>
<p>“Excellent. Thank you, Faraday.”</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah. Course. No problem.” He hesitated. “How— How do we, um…?”</p>
<p>“Sole demonstrated it for me.” DiMA hummed, and Faraday desperately tried not to picture that. </p>
<p>DiMA stepped forward and reached out, placing one hand on Faraday’s back just below his shoulder blade, and the other on his waist. He pulled them close until their bodies were pressed gently up against each other.</p>
<p>Faraday gasped softly, then reminded himself to breathe. </p>
<p>DiMA leaned down, their faces inches apart. Faraday thought his heart might beat itself right out of his chest.</p>
<p>“Faraday.” DiMA said softly, “You’ve been invaluable to me all these years. Not just by keeping me in repair, but as a companion, as a friend. I treasure the time we spend together.”</p>
<p>Oh no. This was… Faraday thought he might cry. Was he dreaming? Maybe he was dreaming. That would explain a lot.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” He managed. “I… You’re incredible, DiMA. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.”</p>
<p>DiMA smiled again.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Dearest Faraday.”</p>
<p>And then he kissed him. DiMA kissed him, and it was everything Faraday had imagined and more. It was electric, like flying, like a dream but better…</p>
<p>DiMA was good at this, and some cruel part of Faraday’s mind wondered if that was due to the <i>practice</i> he’d apparently gotten from Sole. But even that thought couldn’t ruin the feeling of this kiss, of finally, <i>finally</i> after all these years, after thinking it would never happen… Faraday could have laughed, cried, and screamed all at once.</p>
<p>They broke apart, and Faraday searched DiMA’s face, finding an expression there that he’d never seen before.</p>
<p>“Oh.” DiMA murmured. <i>“Oh.</i> I understand now.”</p>
<p>“You— You do?” Faraday asked hopefully. His heart felt like it was in a vice. The outcome of so many years of longing hinged on DiMA’s next words.</p>
<p>“Yes.” DiMA nodded. He was still holding Faraday close. “Sole described to me what it should feel like. Fireworks, she said. Everything else disappears except for the person you’re with. But it— It’s so much more than that. I’ve never… It’s almost overwhelming. Like sadness or anger or fear, when it threatens to consume you, but… I’ve never felt consumed by joy before. I think I finally understand what the others mean when they talk about falling in love. I think— Faraday? What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>“N-Nothing.” Faraday stammered, turning his head away to wipe at his eyes. </p>
<p>“You’re crying.” DiMA pointed out. “Clearly <i>something</i> is wrong. Was it something I said?” He released Faraday and took a small step backwards. “I apologize if I’ve made you uncomfortable, or… ”</p>
<p><i>“No!”</i> Faraday reached out to grab DiMA’s arm. “No, it’s… I’m not— <i>Please</i> don’t go.”</p>
<p>“Alright.” DiMA nodded. “If you want me to stay, I will. But… You’re obviously upset. If it’s something I’ve done, I want to make it right.”</p>
<p>Faraday dried his tears with his sleeve as he looked up at DiMA, but they were quickly replaced. He took a deep, shuddering breath that he only narrowly prevented from becoming a sob.</p>
<p>“DiMA, I… You didn’t do anything wrong. You… It’s just that I… The feeling you described, when we kissed… I felt it too. I <i>have</i> felt it for a long time. F-For you. I— Every time I look at you, every time I hear your voice, it’s— <i>I love you,</i> DiMA. I’ve loved you for years.”</p>
<p>Faraday could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen DiMA look truly shocked, but this was one of those times.</p>
<p>“Oh, Faraday…” He breathed. “You— all this time… Why didn’t you say something?”</p>
<p>“I— I didn’t think you’d want to know.” Faraday choked out. “I didn’t think you were interested in romance, in— in love. I thought it would just be… I don’t know, a distraction, or a nuisance or something. Or worse, that you’d— That I’d make you uncomfortable, that you wouldn’t—“ He paused, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “That you wouldn’t want me around anymore.”</p>
<p>DiMA made a soft, sympathetic sound, reaching out to cup Faraday’s cheek with one palm.</p>
<p>“Dearest Faraday. I will <i>always</i> want you around.”</p>
<p>Faraday’s last bit of self-control broke, tears streaming down his face. </p>
<p>“I— I love you DiMA." He sobbed. “I love you so much, I don’t know how to—“</p>
<p>“It’s alright.” DiMA murmured, wrapping his arms around Faraday again and pulling him close. Faraday pressed his face against the taller synth’s chest. “I think I understand. And I think… I think perhaps I have also loved you for some time now. I just didn’t know how to name it before.”</p>
<p>Faraday hugged DiMA tightly in return, clinging to him, and DiMA held him until his tears subsided, until he took a deep breath and raised his head to look up at DiMA’s face.</p>
<p>“Are you feeling better, Dear?” DiMA asked, wiping away the last few tears with his thumb, gentler even with his skeletal hands than any human touch Faraday had ever felt.</p>
<p>Faraday laughed softly.</p>
<p>“DiMA… I’ve never felt better. I’m just… I guess I’m a bit afraid this might be a dream.”</p>
<p>“It isn’t.” DiMA assured him. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Would it help to convince you if I kissed you again?”</p>
<p>Faraday smiled, cheeks turning slightly pink.</p>
<p>“It definitely wouldn’t hurt.”</p>
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